Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I understand Curling. That high.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
