Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
