Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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