when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
