I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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