This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize