I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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