The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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