is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
