my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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