Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
