Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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