A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
