Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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