God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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