just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
