listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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