When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
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