we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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