I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
