I feel like abortions should bother me more
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
