so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
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just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
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We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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