what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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