@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
