I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
