quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
