Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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