Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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