how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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