Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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