God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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