The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
