I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
