officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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