Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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