If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
