meet me or not, i'm out of control
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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