I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
We left the knife in your bed.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
