Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
