I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
