I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
