yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
