Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Terrible idea I love it
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
