he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
