So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
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