i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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