were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
