This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Randomize
