is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
