That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
