He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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