onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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