You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
