You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
