I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
