I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Someone shattered a urinal.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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