did you get engaged???
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
