Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize