I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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