Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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