I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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