she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
