Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
