i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
im holly from the hills drunk
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
