I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
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