I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
