god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
