Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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