Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
