im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
