I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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