please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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