so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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