You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
