I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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